Listed alphabetically according to album (currently only one album)

A Goat Came in My Window
Don't Make Me Talk
Doughnut Land
Head on the Ground
If I Was God
Let's Go Walking in the Parking Lot
Old Friends on the Mountain
Polk County Dump Boar
Santa Dancing Naked on the Beach
Stranded on the Planet of Gigantic Spoons
Today I Got Out of Bed

A Goat Came in My Window

A goat came in my window
Hung his hat up in the hall
His horns poked a whole bunch of holes in my wall
That made me worried
My peace of mind is gone
So if a goat comes in your window
Make sure he keeps his hat on

A goat came in my window
Put his shoes beside the door
His feet poked a whole bunch of holes in my floor
That made me nervous
My peace of mind is gone
So if a goat comes in your window
Make sure he keeps his shoes on

A goat came in my window
All sad and morose
I was having a little party
He just sat there like a ghost
He ruined my party
Now all my guests are gone
So if a goat comes in your window
Make sure he’s got his groove on

A goat came in my window
So I banged him on the head
I barbecued and ate him
With some garlic bread
He was delicious
My worried days are gone
So if a goat comes in your window
Make sure you’ve got your grill on

Don't Make Me Talk

Little bitty babies
They babble and they burble
They gabble and they gurble to the folks who encircle
But when I was a baby
I was a quiet little sprout because
Too much baby talking got me all burned out

Don't make me talk
Don't make me talk
Don't make me talk
Don't make me talk

My Mama said he's a very smart boy
Daddy said but he sure is quiet
Doctor says I don't know if it's wrong but it don't seem right
Come on little buddy
Get out of your shell
They say welcome to the world and I say welcome to hell

Don't make me talk (x4)

Now I'm all grown up and I can talk real good
I can yammer yammer yammer like I know I should
But it's a cardio workout humping all those words
I'm hitting the wall and feeling the burn

So if you see me at a party curled up in a crouch
With a Nat Geographic all alone on the couch
Don't worry I'm fine I'm fine I'm happy I'm stable
I'll rejoin the conversation just as soon as I am able

Don't make me talk (x4)

Do you want
To hear me talk
You say you want
To hear me talk
You say your dying
To hear me talk
Are you sure you want
To hear me talk

Well, OK

Do you want to hear me talk OK I'll talk
But you might be in for kind of a shock
Cause we're gonna go deep inside my head
Hold on tight full speed ahead

Let me tell you about a thing I found on a rock
It was hiding underneath a hole in a sock
It was soft green kind of stinky
Big around as a monkey's pinkie

It did a little dance it went up down
Side to side and back around
It laid down flat and vibrated
And on a whim I ate it

Well I had a vision very strange
I was all alone on a barren plain
And I saw my face in a rainbow
And it spoke to me real low it said

Come join me in the fog
Come join me in the fog
Come join me in the fog
Come join me in the fog
Take my hand in the fog
Take my hand in the fog
Lie down in the fog
Lie down in the fog
So quiet in the fog
So quiet in the fog
So quiet in the fog
Don't make me talk in the fog
Don't make me talk in the fog
Don't make me talk in the fog
Don't make me talk

Doughnut Land

I broke my toe because I didn't know
About the log lying on the floor
And I skinned my shin on a piece of tin
Sticking out of the hospital door

Broken bottles and broken dishes
Beaks on birds and spines on fishes
Rusty needles and rusty broken springs
I'm tired of hard pokey things

I'm going to float through the air on my big comfy chair
To the land over there with no corners on squares
No splinters in chairs no teeth in the bears
And everything is soft and round like a doughnut

The squeal of a rat or maybe a bat
Disturbed my dreams last night
And out in the dark bark bark bark bark bark bark
And the wail of cats in a fight

A window breaking down the street at the bar
Alarm alarm alarm alarm from a car
Yammered bad grammar from the roof where the boys is
I'm tired of hard pokey noises

I'm going to float through the air on my big comfy chair
To the land over there with no horns that blare
No squeaks in the stairs all tom-toms no snares
And all the noises are soft and round like a mouse chewing on a doughnut

An ideologue with an unleashed dog
Threw his cigarette on the forest floor
Oh that vindictive liar he started a fire
Now he's richer than ever before

Vampire bureaucrats and troglodyte relatives
Whiny fundamentalists and grifting executives
I don't mean to judge I don't mean to speak ill
But I'm tired of hard pokey people

I'm going to float through the air on my big comfy chair
To the land over there with peace and love everywhere
Where a plump concierge serves you milk and stewed pears
And all the people are soft and round
Cause they all just sit around and eat doughnuts

Head on the Ground

I met a gal as old as I
She said honey before I die
I want someone to fly me to the moon
I said listen I ain’t lying
Looks to me you’re already dying
We better start that flying real soon

Head in the air
Feet on the ground
We ain't going nowhere
So let’s mess around
Head on the ground
Feet in the air
Oh pull my hair, honey pie yes indeed
And say a little prayer for the young folks

She said I ain’t sticking around
I’m about to leave this town
I’ve got to dig a hole down to the moon
I said honey I ain’t kidding
Down the slope we both are skidding
We better start that digging real soon

Head in the air
Feet on the ground
We ain't going nowhere
So let’s mess around
Head on the ground
Feet in the air
Oh pull my hair, honey pie yes indeed
And say a little prayer for the young folks

Well if you want to be my friend
Stick with me until the end
Squeeze me, and send me to the moon
I ain’t nothing but a geezer
My next home is in the freezer
We better start that squeezing real soon

Head in the air
Feet on the ground
We ain't going nowhere
So let’s mess around
Head on the ground
Feet in the air
Oh pull my hair, honey pie yes indeed
And say a little prayer for the young folks

If I Was God

If I woke up one morning
And I found out I was god
I'd gather together all the people in the world
And I'd turn them all into dogs

And they'd go woof woof woof
They'd go bow wow wow
They'd go howl
And they would stop talking

People talk and talk and talk and talk
Til I'm about to go out of my mind
If I turned them all into dogs
We'd get along just fine

And they'd go arf arf arf
An the little ones would go yip yip yap
They'd go howl
And we'd get along fine

But if I turned them all into dogs
That might be going too far
So instead I think I'll turn everybody
Into guitars

And they'd go (guitar)
And the little ones would go (guitar)
They'd go (guitar)
Wouldn't that sound fine

Well I woke up this morning
And I found out I was god
Well I didn't want to bother anybody
So I turned myself into a dog

And now I go bow wow wow
I go woof woof woof
And I go howl
And then I eat some road kill

Let's Go Walking in the Parking Lot

Let's go walking in the parking lot
We paved paradise so that's what we've got
We''ll set down our blanket and our bottle of wine
All across spaces G8 and G9

There's plenty of room in the parking lot
Because it covers at least a thousand square blocks
Together in nature we'll forget all our troubles
And we'll poke at the asphalt when the sun makes it bubble

There's so much to do we'll never get bored
We'll get high on the fumes from Chevys and Fords
There's something for everyone young and old
And here are a few of the sights to behold

The glorious glistening of a billion broken bottles
The shimmering snowbanks of cups from McDonald's
The flitting and frolicking hamburger wrappers
The olfactory wonder of a thousand used diapers
The hidden mosaic in a puddle of vomit
The love left behind in a rainbow of condoms
The trickster coyote in it's last dying grin
The goggle-eyed joy of a rat with a syringe

Let's go walking in the parking lot
On our way to the grocery shop
We've seen the rubble that was Rome
So we'll leave the car at home
We'll leave the car at home

Let's go walking in the parking lot
We paved paradise but that's not all we've got
We could go for a picnic at the sewage plant
A favorite of the kids, gramma, and gramps

Or we could find a quiet corner in the wrecking yard
We can be all alone if we bribe the guard
The oil refinery is known for romance
But you need reservations six months in advance

We could put on our hazmat suits and go to the beach
Where the seagulls growl and the clamdogs screech
Or we can go to the landfill just you and me
And climb to the top and look down to see

The graceful meandering of fresh sewage muck
The whimsical lurching of a bullet-riddled truck
The beguiling bubbling of sulfur mine tailings
The sparkling black blood of diseased whales wailing
The phantasmal glowing of atmospheric waste
The rain of dead aliens from outer space
The growing black shadow of an asteroid from afar
The spasmodic twitching of a rotten dying star

Let's go walking in the parking lot
On our way to the grocery shop
We've seen the rubble that was Rome
So we'll leave the car at home
We'll leave the car at home
Leave the car at home

Old Friends on the Mountain

Oh this wretched life said the eagle
As it landed on the mountain top
Every day I gotta eat this human's liver
And it never ever ever ever stops

Oh never mind me said Prometheus
As the eagle tore open his flesh
Go on and gobble my gaping guts
And leave behind a mess

Look on the bright side said the eagle
Santa Claus is standing by
He'll clean up the blood and the bile and the bits
And wash your abdomen and thighs

You know the eagle has a point said Santa
But I can only be here in the summer
Damn those kids and their toys said Prometheus
Christmas is such a bummer

Old friends on the mountain
On a bright and sunny day
Sharing their eternal burdens
While the eons slip away

Good morning everybody
Said Sisyphus from down below
Hey now it's a party said Prometheus
And Santa said ho ho ho

Wadja bring to eat said Santa
Deepfried eggrolls said Sisyphus
But I ran them over with my rolling stone
So now they're kind of mushed

I'm happy to share this here liver
Said the eagle with a grin
You ought to take some home to Mrs. Santa
It's loaded with vitamins

Oh I guess I forgot to tell you the news
Said Santa Claus with a frown
Mrs. Santa she up and left me
And I closed the damned workshop down

Old friends on the mountain
On a bright and sunny day
Sharing their eternal burdens
While the eons slip away

I made a deal with China said Santa
They'll deliver all those damn toys
I'm going to spend full time on the mountain
To be with the eagle and my boys

I'll mix up some pina coladas
We'll have a big ol' liver luau
And we'll dance the Santa Claus hula
And I'll teach it to you now

Align your spine with what's left of your mind
Spin around on your nose and wiggle  your toes
Shake your waist and shimmy your medulla
Now you're doing the Santa Claus hula

Yo-dee-ho-dee-ho-dee-ho-dee-hey
Yo-dee-ho-dee-ho-dee-ho-dee-hey

Polk County Dump Boar

This is a song about a pig.
A male pig, a dude pig.
The scientific name for a dude pig is a boar
And this boar, he lived at the county dump, in Polk county, Florida
So you put all that together and you get a
Polk county dump boar
Polk county dump boar
He was a Polk county dump boar
He ain't nothing but a Polk county dump boar

Now the polk county dump boar is kind of a wreck
But he lives in a dump so what do you expect
He’s got worms crawling out of his ears
He’s big and hairy and he smells like beer
He’s the kind of pig only a  mother could love
But at night he gazes at the heavens above
He sees the stars and moons and the planets and the comets
And he wonders what happened to the cosmic promise
Yes he wonders how the heck in a world so big
He ended up as a pig he ain’t nothing but a
Polk county dump boar
Polk county dump boar
He was a Polk county dump boar
He ain't nothing but a Polk county dump boar

Now the polk county dump boar he had a dream
And in this dream he was a loving machine
He had pink satin suit and a pompadour
And a bottle of gin and he liked to pour
A dry martini for every sow
And a gin and tonic for every cow
‘Cause he was such a fine lover that the cows were confused
They thought he was a bull and he couldn’t refuse
But all the people at the dump now they all swore
That he wasn’t just a pig he was so much more
He was a Polk county dump boar
A Polk county dump boar
He was a Polk county dump boar
He ain't nothing but a Polk county dump boar

Now speaking of sows and cows and such
Here’s a little sumpthin that you don’t hear much
There’s a joint named Schrodinger’s barbecue
It’s down on Copenhagen Avenue
Now this Schrodinger was a very smart cat
He talked about locality and stuff like that
If you want to know what he’s cooking in his pot
Well it all depends on if you’re looking or not
Is it a cow or a sow that you’ll eat that night
You don’t know until you take a bite but it might be a
Polk county dump boar
Polk county dump boar
Polk county dump boar
Polk county dump boar

He was a ugh polk county hah polk county good gawd polk county
Polk county dump boar
Funky polk county ugh polk county hey polk county
Polk county dump boar
Polk polk polk polk
Polk polk Polk county dump boar
Polk polk polk polk
Polk polk Polk county dump boar
Outro: Friendly conversation with a pig

Santa Dancing Naked on the Beach

We saw Santa dancing naked on the beach
He was Santa on the loose he was Santa unleashed
Rocking and rolling an hour past midnight
His big sweaty body glistening in the moonlight

The phosphorescent dynoflagellates
Silhouetted his graceful plies
The fat gibbous moon illuminated
The glory of his grand jetes

We took it as a sign that we should change our ways
And  live a better life for the rest of our days
We told him we were through with that jiving and messing
And he said let me give you some dancing lessons

Wuh huh huh - Ho ho ho
Wuh huh huh - Ho ho ho

Lesson number one don't worry about your mind
It's OK to be a little bit out of align
Wuh huh huh - Ho ho ho

Lesson number two don't worry about your body
It's OK to be all baggy and shoddy
Uh huh - Ho ho ho

Lesson number three don't worry about your soul
You can grow back a new one if it gets a little old
Wuh huh huh - Ho ho ho

Now let's put it all together
Ho ho ho
Let's make it all clear
Ha ha ha
Find your true self
Hee hee hee
Like an ant looking in the mirror

Let's take mindfulness
All the way to mindless
Let's take enlightenment
All the way to blindness
A brand new world is within our reach
With Santa dancing naked on the beach
At midnight
Santa dancing naked on the beach
In the starlight
Santa dancing naked on the beach
Doing the moonwalk
Santa dancing naked on the beach
Watch him rock now

Lesson number four now look within
Disengage your dogma and watch it spin
Wuh uh huh - Ho ho ho

Lesson number five now look without
Your mandala is a muscle now work it on out
Wuh uh huh - Ho ho ho

Lesson number six if you want some more
Spin around on your aura all over the floor
Wuh uh huh - Ho ho ho

Let's put it all together
Ho ho ho
If you manage to survive
Ha ha ha
Reconnoiter the connoiter
Hee hee hee
Of the days remaining in your life

Let's take mindfulness
All the way to mindless
Let's take enlightenment
All the way to blindness
A brand new world is within our reach
With Santa dancing naked on the beach
He's got a nose ring
Santa dancing naked on the beach
Aqua mohawk
Santa dancing naked on the beach
Purple eyebrows
Santa dancing naked on the beach
Mango toenails
Santa dancing naked on the beach
Fuscia lipstick
Santa dancing naked on the beach
Break it down now

A little old man
All round and rosy
Getting funky in the surf
Eating raw anchovies

Arthritic legs
All bony and blotchy
Scissoring and kicking
Like nobody's watching

Head in the stars
Serenity in motion
One with the universe
Child of the ocean

Pink light beaming
From his shining eyes
Radiating love
Into the moonlit sky

Well he tried to teach us
How to dance
But his dancing lessons
Didn't make no sense
There was something bout a dog
Or dogma in the air
We don't remember
But we don't care
Because we know a new world
Is within our reach
With Santa dancing naked on the beach

Ho ho ho
Naked on the beach
Ho ho ho
Naked on the beach
(Repeat followed by chaos)

Stranded on the Planet of Gigantic Spoons

I'm stranded on the planet of gigantic spoons
I don't think that I am going to get away soon

People on this planet are made of spiky angles
They crash into each other and the broken parts dangle
They crash into me and I get pierced in the heart
By alien broken body parts

I'm stranded on the planet of gigantic spoons
I'm trying my best to make it my home
Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's gruesome
Me and this planet don't make a good twosome

People on this planet have eyes like turtles
They shoot purple laser beams I gotta jump em like hurdles
I try to look away but they grab me by the chin
Until I look into their eyes and see the program within

I'm stranded on the planet of gigantic spoons
I'm trying my best to make it my home
Sometimes it's alright sometimes it's all wrong
Me and this planet can't seem to get along

People on this planet they love to shmooze
They talk and talk and talk until their tongues are bruised
Their words congeal into blind naked gerbils
They crawl into my mouth and I am rendered non-verbal

I'm stranded on the planet of gigantic spoons
I'm trying my best to make it my home
Sometimes I fit in, sometimes I don't
Sometimes I wish this planet would leave me alone

People on this planet stomp their feet when they eat
Their plates are big as tires and they're made of concrete
Their forks are carved from the thigh bones of cows
And their spoons weigh twenty-seven pounds

I'm stranded on the planet of gigantic spoons
I'm trying my best to make it my home
I'll never understand these alien ways
It's a world of wonder something new every day

I've been speaking metaphorically
I think you know that
But now I'm going to tell you
Where I'm really at

What I really want to talk about is clams
Specifically, how a clam eats
Well they use a kind of siphon I think that's pretty neat
But it really tickles when they lick my feet
That's why I always walk in the middle of the street

Did I just make this weird
Excuse me while I disappear
But I would love to hang out and I hope it's soon
But don't be surprised if I bring my own spoon

Today I Got Out of Bed

I'm sacked out on my couch
Watching a fly crawl down the wall
And what have I done all day
Well I guess that's just about all
Yes, I'm a loser
That's what my friends all said
But I'm proclaiming myself a winner
Cause today I got out of bed

I'm not going anywhere today
Fact is I don't get out that much
I'm not much for conversation
Cause I'm a little out of touch
I'm a deadbeat going nowhere
That's what my sister said
But today I took a great journey
Today I got out of bed

I don't have any money
No account at Charles Schwab
No car no phone no TV set
No Internet no job
Yes I'm a bum
That's what mother said
But I'm making Mama proud
Today I got out of bed

So I'm happy to just sit here
With my friend the lazy fly
We're not getting anywhere
But at least we're getting by
I'm a loser, a bum, a deadbeat
That's what everybody says
But today that's not me
Cause today I got out of bed
Well that might be me tomorrow
But today I got out of bed

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